Being With What Is

because staying still is no longer possible

I went to bed last night with the intention of resting today. As I pictured my Sunday from Friday and Saturday, I looked forward to not only being in bed most of the day, but becoming the bed.

But, like many of you, I woke up this morning and found myself consuming the news of another murder at the hands of ICE. Picking up my phone, I was thrust into a vortex of (completely justified) rage, calls to action, and perspectives on what’s happening in our country.

After setting the doom-scroll aside, I noticed that becoming the bed was not what I actually needed today. When I allowed my body to respond to what is, writing and send this became the thing I needed.

Being with what is

When I’m teaching movement classes, I often use the concept of ‘being with what is’ to help students ground themselves in the reality of their body in the present moment.

It’s an invitation to notice what’s actually happening in your body.

Acknowledge your aches and pains, notice that you aren’t as bendy today as you were yesterday, observe that you’re tired, or angry, or anxious, or sad.

And then, when you name what the reality is, the first invitation is to be with it. You have to acknowledge and accept the reality of right now if you want to change it.

The idea of being with what is serves me day-to-day in my own movement practice. It serves my students by allowing them some space to let go of what they think they should be able to do. Acknowledging what is is the first step in making any kind of change.

It struck me that the invitation to be with what is extends well beyond the confines of our own bodies, and can be a useful framework for the distressing reality we find ourselves in.

Begin with what is beyond our bodies

If we haven't yet acknowledged what is, in the larger context of the world beyond our own bodies, now is the time.

What is looks like this:

• our government is using indiscriminate violence against legal observers and peaceful protesters

• our government has murdered Renee Nicole Good and Alex Jeffrey Pretti in broad daylight

• despite video evidence to the contrary, our government continues to lie about the facts of these crimes

• human rights are being violated - people have gone missing, people are being sexually assaulted, medically neglected, children and pregnant people have been mistreated at ICE facilities

• we’re watching our moral compass be systematically taken apart, and we’re being asked to choose not between political parties, but between authoritarianism and democracy

• we’re watching a genocide happen to make room for beachfront condos

What is is devastating.

What is is infuriating.

What is is absolutely terrifying.

I’m choosing today to name what is with conviction. What is, is further enforcement of a system of oppression and control, democracy systematically breaking down and a rise of authoritarianism, the violent legacy of colonialism, and late-stage capitalism. There’s more, I’m sure, this is just what I’m naming today.

Because the reality is so terrifying, it’s easier to continue to pretend that it’s not real. We can convince ourselves it’s not really that bad. We can put our phones away and binge Netflix and pretend that everything is fine. Heck, you can use some of the practices I preach about and find some nervous system calm after a doom-scrolling session.

But breathing exercises are not going to fix this. Continuing to pretend that what is isn’t actually happening is not going to work.

If we do the hard work of acknowledging what actually is at this moment, we’ll quickly realize that our reality calls for more than a wellness practice.

We need to take the practice of being with what is outside ourselves. There will be feelings. We’ll have to be with being sad, enraged, and absolutely terrified. But it’s only in fully acknowledging and accepting how what we’re experiencing makes us feel that we can take appropriate action to change it.

How we be with what is

In the being with what is movement practice, I invite people to notice what is, name it, and then consider what it needs.

I invite you to do the same thing right now:

1. notice what is: see above for the things I’m noticing today, or name your own.

2. name what is: see above for the things I’m naming today, or name your own.

3. acknowledge how you feel about it: I can’t do this part for you, but you probably feel lots of ways.

4. change it: do something about it.

Shame is out (thank you for this vocab, Ben Sheehan)

You might notice that you’re resistant to naming what is, or resistant to acknowledging how you feel about it because you feel shame. I feel shame. Shame is a nasty way to feel. I would love to avoid feeling shame. We twist ourselves in knots trying to avoid feeling shame because it feels so bad.

But shame is only useful right now if you can turn it into action.

We might feel shame for failing to acknowledge what is before this moment. Feeling shame doesn’t mean we have to continue to deny reality now.

You don’t know who your representatives are? Being ashamed is not useful, what’s useful is finding out who they are and calling them.

You didn’t vote in the last election? Being ashamed is not useful, what’s useful is getting registered to vote and making sure you show up for the next election.

You voted this government into power? Being ashamed is not useful, what’s useful is being brave enough to change your mind now.

You’re benefiting so you haven’t really cared about the oppressive system we’re living in before now? Being ashamed is not useful, what’s useful is using your privilege to help others.

How do we change it?

I’m a dance teacher. I’m not a history professor, or an expert in grassroots organizing, or someone who can explain politics.

I’m someone whose work is in helping people connect to themselves and others by being a body. I do not feel like I have any authority to speak/write about this. I do not feel well-positioned to make change. I feel completely overwhelmed by the enormity of the problem.

But being an embodied person in the world requires acknowledgement and action about what is happening to our bodies, what is happening to the bodies of the vulnerable, and what’s happening to the bodies of the people who are trying to help the vulnerable.

We cannot live an embodied life and continue to deny what is.

As a dance teacher, writing this is one thing that I’m doing. Framing how I’m feeling at this moment in vocabulary and practices that I understand resonated with me, and maybe it will resonate with you. Teaching movement is my expertise, so sharing how I’m making sense of this moment is part of what I’m choosing to do, to change what is.

In movement classes, when I use the idea of being with what is, the answer is rarely an immediate and complete upheaval. In fact, I’ve never seen it work like that. Folks don’t get up and leave the class, never to return again when they realize their hip isn’t as open as they would like. But, a tiny change they make in that one class may become a complete upheaval as time goes by.

When we learn that one tiny change we made has an impact, we might be inspired to make another change. We might notice that one tiny change created momentum. Taking one action toward something better might help us learn that our actions, even if they are small, do matter.

Here are some ideas that might help:

You might start with asking yourself what you’re excellent at. Are you an organizer? A teacher? A builder? A caregiver? A mediator?

You might take stock of your resources. Do you have financial means? Do you have any extra time? Do you have a network? Do you have access to information? Do you have a platform?

You might more deeply educate yourself. Can you follow and engage with people doing thoughtful and deep work? Can you intentionally read books that help frame what’s happening now through a more grounded lens than we’re getting from the social media machine? Can you amplify important stories? Can you decipher what the real information is and share it?

Can you call your representatives?

Can you send postcards to congress?

Can you get involved with your local ACLU?

Can you make more thoughtful purchases?

I can’t tell you what action you should take at this moment. You are the only person capable of deciding what you do. I can only invite you into the practice of being with what is, and changing the reality of it.

I'm a dance teacher, not a political organizer. But I know that in movement practice, being with what is means you can’t stay still once you’ve acknowledged something needs to change. One small adjustment creates momentum. And momentum creates change.